Over the years, I have worked more and more with people in leadership positions. It’s happened organically and it has led me to reflect on leadership - what it is and what is required to lead effectively or ethically - whether at work, at home or in the community.

As relational beings (to each other and all life around us), American Psychotherapist, James Hollies explains that ‘The quality of the relationship we have with ourselves, determines the quality of the relationships we have with others.’ And to be an effective leader we need to be our own best and supportive leader. That effective leadership starts with good self-leadership.

But how do we know and measure that we are our own best, good and effective leader?

Often when I asked leaders what their greatest challenge is, they immediately say: ‘Time. I haven’t got time and space for anything’. These are real challenges in our often complex and demanding lives, for sure. But when we dig deeper, it turns out that the greatest challenge is their relationship to self or their inner skills.

Many leaders suffer from a harsh and critical attitude towards themselves and their deep fear of showing their vulnerability and being judged by others for being weak and sentimental. And yet, as leaders, being able to show our vulnerability, to be human, kind and compassionate towards ourselves brings us many riches such as respect, connection, trust and authenticity. It gives others permission to let their guard down and be more human.

As leaders, when we do the inner work of developing a kinder dialogue with and a clearer view of ourselves, we create conditions for ourselves that are positive and supportive.

As leaders we also determine, influence and shape family, community and organisational culture: what we model, how we show up, how we act and how we are. We always have an impact on. As leaders, we can create conditions that allow and encourage others to be well, grow, develop and flourish. The opposite is also true.

When we meet others (employees, peers, colleagues) with kindness, interest, curiosity and non-judgement, people can unfurl, open up and feel safe to develop in creative and skilful ways. As a result, they want to engage and contribute to the success of the organisation. As leaders – how we act, manage, engage with others - we create the conditions which allow others to thrive. That’s what I call effective leadership and it’s the bedrock for a successful organisation. This is also true for our home and social life.

In my view there are three essential ingredients for effective (self-) leadership:

1. Self-awareness: What have I noticed in myself and others today?
   To notice more we need to slow down, listen to ourselves and others and notice what we hear. Without awareness and waking up to what’s actually happening inside and outside of ourselves, no change will happen. It’s not enough to keep up a vague general awareness. We need to learn how to monitor our states of awareness in much greater detail than we usually do. We need to scrutinise our mental states almost from moment to moment and accept that these states of mind will set our intention.
   
   
2. Attitude: What has my attitude been today – towards myself and others?
   Attitude is all about how we attend to ourselves, others and the world around us. Our attitude is determined by our state of mind. Our state of mind is determined by our intention and volition. Our intention determines our actions. If our intention is to be positive, open, curious and kind, our state of mind is open, curious and kind and as a result our actions are skilful and lead to freedom, ease, connection with ourselves and others. If our intention is to be negative, aversive, hostile, our actions are unskilful and lead to distress, harm and disconnection from ourselves and others.
   
   
3. Commitment to learning: What have I learned today?
   Learning about ourselves and others enables us to develop a learning mind-set. To learn we need to be open and curious as well as celebrate what we liked about our attitude and behaviour and look at what we want to do differently next time, what we want to do more of, where we can apologise, where we can ask a better question, listen more, where we can develop, move forward.

These questions are paramount for us as leaders to gain greater understanding of what’s going on inside ourselves. Knowing our conditioned tendencies, unhelpful habits, impulses, reactions, limiting views, fears, anxieties, attitude and mind-set, allows us to lead with integrity and humility. We don’t need to cover up our insecurities and shortcomings by exerting control, power, pressure and excluding behaviour.

As Rodney Smith, a renowned meditation teacher and author, puts it so well: We are not responsible for our conditioning but we are accountable for our responses (from Stepping out of self-deception, 2010).

Hence effective leaders know their sour buttons well and don’t react or take it out on others when their buttons are being pressed. They know how to respond to what’s happening internally and externally with awareness, curiosity and kindness.

Effective leaders know which attitudes and actions lead to harm, distress and disconnection inside and outside and which have the opposite effect. They are their own best effective leader and hence seen as effective by others.

This is how others see us when we show up as leaders:

• We are self-aware.
• We are curious.
  
• We are empathic and kind.
• We listen carefully.
• We do what we said we would do.
• We can keep confidentiality.
  
• We communicate honestly and clearly.
• We are able to be vulnerable and show it.
• We are open to learning.
  
• We are flexible and adaptable to change.
• We are inclusive.
• We are able to collaborate (collaboration means working with others and not knowing what the outcome will be).
  

These are attractive, impactful and powerful qualities and inner skills that many of us wish to have. It’s possible for everyone.

Developing these inner qualities and skills leads to effective leadership and allows us to lead ethically - at work, at home, in life.

Photos by Jakob Linnenbrink.

My name is Jakob. I am a nature and wildlife photographer from Hamburg, Germany. I started my journey as a photographer in 2019 when I visited Karen in London and learned much about my camera and photography from one of her friends.

I like travelling and exploring nature through the lens of my camera. There is so much beauty to discover in nature and my aim is to see and photograph wildlife in its natural habitat as well as nature itself.

If you are interested in my photography or would like to know more about what I do, feel free to visit my website or find me on Instagram.